"KAPLA", The Impending Klingon Invasion and Kryptonite

Wow, it seems like ages ago since I last posted. I do have an excuse… I really good one: I’ve been educating people with some trekkie terms, they may laugh at me now for my knowledge of Klingon but they won’t be seeing the funny side of it once the Klingons commence their impending invasion of Earth. We’ll see who has the last laugh then… Mwhahahhahahahahahhah. It will be me with my lightsaber against the Klingons with their Bat'leth!!! Here is a list of stuff that should be useful incase your have no idea about Star Trek or if you don’t know the ways of the force:

Klingons: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klingon#History_of_the_Klingon_Empire

Bat'leth: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat%27leth

Lightsaber: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightsaber

And just to prove that I’m not a die-hard trekkie who has Klingon battle armor instead of a suit, I took this Okcupid Star Trek test and here are the results

Trekkie Appreciator Survey Says... You scored 71 %

You like Star Trek and have obviously watched more than a couple of episodes or movies, but you don't live or breathe the world (read: you probably don't go to your local McDonalds in your Klingon gear - not that there's anything wrong with that...). Excellent! You've managed to tread the fine line between sci-fi buff and Star Trek nerd (otherwise known as the difference between enjoying Star Trek for its entertainment Another test which I decided to take was the Star Wars personality and I’m happy with the result: Yoda You scored 25% airiness, 31% squishiness, and 63% edginess! According to our patented JawamaticTM technology, you are most like Yoda in personality. A traditionalist at heart, Yoda has honed his intuition through hundreds of years of meditation and study. But don't let that fool you -- he believes the old ways are the best ways. To him, the known is preferable to the unknown. Yoda is, in a word, reliable. Most of you probably don’t know Yoda , at first glance you’re probably thinking that he’s green, small with big pointy ears and looks like he’s stoned…. Which he is (not sure about the stoned part though), but you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (you should see him when he dishes out some punishment with his lightsaber especially in Episode 3). Anyways, enough about the force and other sci-fi matters and back to my beloved Egypt. One thing which I have just realized, which I’ve always done subconsciously, is that when there is water in the street everyone slows down. This is probably one of the few times that I have noticed that people here will slow down for, I mean they don’t even do that for people crossing the roads!! Some people will probably say that they do this as not to dirty the cars behind or besides them. I think that is quite a stupid excuse, how long does a car stay clean for in Egypt even when it’s parked never mind moving?? If it does something to the car engine or something like that (I haven’t the faintest idea about car mechanics other than what petrol to put in the car and where I can fill the car with water) then I’d say to the driver in front of me, “Eshta 3leek ya bob” which is literally translated as “cream on you Bob” and means “cheers gaffer” or “thank you mister”. These situations where drivers are terrified to go past 20Kph in water sort of reminds me of Super Man. You know, guy with the blue costume, red cape and the tiny-nearly-invisible ‘S’ on his chest? Yeah, well he’s super strong and all with a load of nifty super powers, he kind of reminds me of Egyptian drivers, the only difference is that Super Man does have them while Egyptian drivers think they do and in fact don’t. Anyway, Super Man’s only weakness is Kryptonite http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite (here’s a huge article on all the different types of it, personally I don’t know all of them and I don’t intend to read this), so perhaps if we start watering our streets on a daily basis people will start to drive a little more decently. Just like to give a shout out to the Menna, who was recently in the El-Gomhureya newspaper for her blog "Guide to Cairo" and for putting my blog on her links on her page :D!! www.guidetocairo.blogspot.com , go check it out if you’d like to read some positive stuff about Egypt. Also, In case you read this Nancy, I haven’t forgotten about your ticket that you got while in the university parking, so hopefully I will get around to writing about that soon. Last but not least: Live Long & Prosper

Curse of the Pharaohs

I went to the pyramids on Friday with the people in my group to go shoot a project for one of my subjects at university, I must have went to the pyramids at least 8 times before (every time one of my relatives from England come I have to give them the grand tour of Egypt, and the pyramids is always the first stop). This was my first time actually driving there myself and naturally I had no clue how to get there. After asking my dad for directions I had a rough idea how to get there, a rough idea. During the trip I was asked whether I knew where we are, and of course I replied, “of course I do” where in reality it was the first time I had ever seen this route before, but we got there eventually. When we started making our way around the pyramids I saw a girl who must have been about 8 years old doing some karate training by the pyramid, her instructor was standing next to her shouting out orders and making her do one handed push-ups (I can just about do normal push-ups). Intrigued by what I saw so I decided to ask the man why he was training her in front of the pyramids, the guy told me with the utmost seriousness: “She has a championship coming up, so she is absorbing the pharaoh’s strength”. I was left absolutely speechless, I thought that this guy was pulling my leg but he had total conviction in what he had just told me. Moving on, most of the tourists we tried to interview, or the ones that I tried to get hold of, were very unsociable and unapproachable. When I asked an old looking man and his wife to interview them (thinking that old people are usually friendly), the geezer didn’t actually say anything but he made this weird grunting noise which I considered a “no”, the way he reacted made me think that I had asked him to give me a piggy-back ride around the pyramids!!

I know this post doesn’t have much do with driving so I’ll just tell you something that I saw today while out: two taxis driving next to each other, suddenly I find the taxi driver on the right and the person sitting in the passenger seat on the taxi to the left start shaking hands while moving in the middle of the road!!

Greased Lightnin'

I have classified drivers into the following three categories: 1) Defensive Drivers 2) Well-Balanced Drivers 3) Gung-Ho Drivers. Now I know these classifications sound pretty stupid but it was all I could think of, so if you think you’ve got better names go ahead and let me, though I doubt you will (just incase you do… I’ll delete your comment Mwahhahahahha!!!)
Anyways, Defensive drivers are the people who clutch to the steering wheel like it’s a winning lottery ticket, they also have a knack of stepping on the brakes about twelve metres before the car in front of them (which forces you to abruptly apply more pressure to your brakes). These types of drivers are the least dangerous that you will encounter on the road, but with this most of them have a complete lack of knowledge of traffic laws (i.e. you’ll almost always find them driving on the left-hand side of the road, which is supposed to be the fast lane, driving at an exhilarating speed of 50km/h).
Well-Balanced drivers are a minority in Egypt, in-fact they’re almost extinct. These drivers tend to be the drivers who drive according to the situation they are in, if traffic is moving along slowly then they’ll drive with care, if its moving at a nice flowing pace then they’ll move with grace and speed. In most cases they use their indicators when switching from lane to lane will not exceed 100-120km/hr. I consider myself to be this kind driver.
Last but not least, the Gung-Ho drivers. These are the ones that you really have to try and stay clear of. You know the people who try to maneuver themselves through busy traffic or that are trying to break the sound-barrier? Well that’s them. It wouldn’t be so bad if these sorts of drivers could acknowledge that there is a pedestal which makes the car slow down, but no, they seem to be under the illusion that the roads were created for them and them alone.
I think I’ve basically categorized drivers here in Egypt, I’d like to know if anyone else has other opinions. Also, it would be nice to know what kind of driver you consider yourself, or what kind would you consider yourself if you drove.

Just a small question to test your general knowledge, does anyone know what the title of the post is from?

Without A Song

One of the most important and vital things to ensure a somewhat enjoyable driving experience, whether being the driver or a passenger, you need to be playing music that suits your mood. Otherwise you'll find that you feel a little uncomfortable, or maybe that's just me. In my case, when I'm feeling relaxed and the day seems to be going smoothly, I usually put on some Frank Sinatra. While other drivers are honking their horns to their hearts' content and screaming profanities at each other, I have Frank Sinatra singing in the background and when listening to his music I can't help feeling that everything happening outside my car is trivial, call me arrogant if you want but I'm not going to get into a fight with some guy who probably thinks that honking the horn is what makes the cars in front of him move. Anyway, I'd like to know what music you listen to that keeps you relaxed while on the road, you don't have to explain why you listen to it (in case you got bored with reading my reason!!), but it would be nice to read if you did. Cheers